WOMEN'S POETRY

Trust me I'm a Doctor

Trust me I'm a doctor, please come here with me, 

I think I'll have to lock you up and throw away the key,

You're not behaving normally; I don't know what to do

I've never actually met a case, that's very strange like you.

I'll make my diagnosis, when I'm satisfied

But when you want to talk to me, I'll bugger off and hide.

If I say you're manic, you must believe in me,

Coz I know  what I'm doing, I've got my meds degree.

I'll make you take some tablets, that rattle in your tum,

But if you refuse to take them, we'll inject you in the bum.

And when you're really settled, I'll want to change my mind,

Diagnose you with an illness of a very different kind.

I'll want to try some E.C.T as often as I can,

But not to worry if it fails I have a better plan,

There'll always be some other pills, start on them tomorrow,

They're rather large, and don't taste nice, just shut your eyes and swallow;

And every week in my ward round, we'll have a little talk.

And if we think you have behaved, we'll let you have a walk.

But just be warned, if you run off, you won't be on your jack,

Coz I'll send you a nice policeman who will kindly bring you back.

But don't despair, I'm here to help, I'll have you on your way.

It's June right now, but that's too soon, how about next May?

I'll always find more victims, so don't you fret for me.....

Freedom

The mind is troubled and full of grief,

So many goals that you want to achieve.

Not asking for help from anyone,

But looking for that special someone.

Your world around you eventually breaks down,

No one to help you when you look around.

No one can see the pain that you feel inside,

Your eyes are open but you see so blind.

What do you do?

You start to look inside yourself to see what you can find,

Deciding to be truthful to yourself coz you no longer want to hide.

The more you search the more you begin to learn about you,

You start to realise you’re just as important too.

You’ve reached a place of salvation,

And believe you’re a member of this nation.

The frowns start turning into smiles,

And you can take over whatever life

Entails

SB The Dene

Books

Luminous birds

Gave me inspiration,

I wrote a book,

It was a sensation.

They burnt all the books,

Call them sin,

Took away my soul –

Left behind the skin.

Some hid the books

Behind cellars.

If you want a story,

Listen to storytellers.

It’s not fair,

All so degrading.

Books are fun,

There’s no debating.

All so violent,

It started a war,

We want our books,

We will go far.

Far we went,

We won the fight

Books are ours

Now all is bright.

AM Kneesworth

The Beauty is -:

I Don’t Care,

I Don’t Worry,

I Don’t Fear,

I Don’t Panic,

I Don’t Fret,

I Don’t Want…MUCH!

When in Holloway Prison 1987

Within these four walls of my cell,

Is me a sad lonely girl

Within my body find my heart,

Trying not to break,

And fall apart!

AL – HMP Holloway

Huggles

All I want is a hug

A big all arms around me cuddle

That gets my head in a muddle

My tears are falling fast

To make a salty puddle

I am alone in my room

I am going to die soon

On my own WITHOUT that hug,

Don’t you see!

I need a genuine cuddle, just one for my memory……

 JC  - Broadmoor

Reality

Reality rules our minds and hearts

Where day dreams stop reality starts

To act out its reign, its power, its might

Our sense put up but little fight

Reality Two

Reality seeks to entice you in

To gain your trust your life to win

To teach you ways so implacable

As to render your mind incapable

CC – Kneesworth

Trapped

Trapped. Trapped in a locked environment

No way out. No hope of freedom.

Nothing that could lighten the load.

Nothing that would bring a ray of sunshone.

Trapped. Trapped in a pretend world.

No exit available. No release date set.

Nothing to bring true reality.

Nothing to lighten the darkness.

Seasons

Winter is nearly over

Spring is on its way

The joy of baby animals being born

Lambs and chicks bounce into sunny days

And as far as the eye can see are blossomed trees

And beautiful flowers

Bright clean blue sky

And the birds fly free

Oh why can’t that be me?

JC  - Kneesworth

A Perfect Day

Drinks caviar and munchies

Rich and wealthy

My life

Happy and famous

Suave and sassy

Something new every day

Ring, ring of the phone

The beginning of a new day

The beginning of a new day

Let’s make it a perfect day

Me and my team

I work 9 – 5 every day

Rich and famous

I have everything, thank God

Swimming pool, sauna

Drinks on the veranda

Rich and famous

Good food and leisure

My perfect day comes every day

Nice and neat

Let’s talk about a day

Let’s make it a perfect day

Hard work and effort

What a wonderful life and a day.

FA  - Oxford Clinic

Even her flower has died

In her bar windowed room

She sits as a shiver runs through her,

Filled with gloom

Her thoughts are of things that once were.

Through the keyhole she once spied

A world so gentle and kind,

Where’s that world now

As she sits cold and alone.

A troubled brow

Her smile once was has now flown,

Even her flower has died

Her soul’s not too far behind.

Her thoughts escape through cracks in the wall

But her body cannot

Instead she sits as frozen to the spot

Unable to move not even to scream!

As she sits in the corner

Cowering form the world,

A kind of safety but its all a blur

As she wonders if at her funeral she’ll have a mourner.

TG – Chadwick Lodge

TRAPPED!

I heard the door slamming,

From a tunnel beyond,

Sub-consciously I realised,

That another day had begun.

I opened my eyes and took a look around.

I was torn from sleep – a sweet dream.

I woke with a frown.

I’m awake! I didn’t move. I stared at the ceiling above.

The voices that reached me gave no indication of love.

The space is confined, my possession not a lot,

But I hold each piece dearly, because it’s all that I’ve got.

I got up, washed, dressed, I prepared a cup of tea,

Then knelt for my morning prayers.

To ask god to protect me

I desperately want to go outside, but I don’t have a key

It’s not in my powers to set myself free.

Que sera sera, whatever will be will be.

But prison! Is not a place,

I wish for neither you nor me.

JP - HMP

The Story of a Self Harmer

You can scream but nobody hears.

You can cry a thousand silent tears.

You can hang yourself form the top of the bed.

You could probably cut off your own head.

You could be lying up there for years rotting and dead.

Nothing left of you but bones and stains where you've bled.

You can stick a knife deep into your tummy.

You can suck your thumb and wait for your mummy.

You can try and tell them what daddy did.

How you ran as he chased you and how you hid.

You can burn yourself deliberately on a heater.

You can get angry and let the system beat ya.

You can let them put objects in all your holes.

You can dig yourself a grave and hide in it like a mole.

You can sniff gas, you can sniff glue.

You can do anything to YOU.

You can inject shit into your arm.

You can smash the glass on the fire alarm.

You can try to dazzle them with your charm.

They don't care if you self harm.

You cannot make them understand.

The slashes on your arms and hands.

Even if you're a right little charmer.

They won't want to know if you're a self-harmer.

To them you're just a problem child.

Who needs a beating - 'tame the wild'!

To them you're just a havoc wreaker.

To them you're just an attention seeker.

AT - The Dene

JAIL

The banging...the screaming...

The waking from dreaming,

The lonely cold place.

The screws in my face.

The unrequited love.

The silent prayers to above.

The inner grief, that no one knows.

The innocence that just won't show.

The same shit...different day.

The bullshit jobs for bullshit pay.

The lost and the missing...

Beside me are sitting.

The making of the rope...

Upon which I choke.

The tears that sit inside...

For blood which has long dried.

The rats and the pigeons my only friend

They know the tunnel...I've met my end.

The women...so strong

The judges...so wrong.

The only judge id God himself-

His book sits on every Holloway shelf.

The days so long...100% alone.

The place I've learnt to call my home.

CI Unit, Holloway, it don't get no worse.

Where every woman feels accursed.

The lack of care...the lack of love...

More begging prayers to the Lord above.

The despair...the m=needing...

So I cut til I'm bleeding.

I stand all alone...in here and out there.

Being in jail, I shouldn't really care-

I know in my heart I shouldn't really be here.

I hope that my nightmare is over this year.

SILENCE

Did you hear that pin drop

Innocent as it may seem.

Isn't it true that children should be seen and not heard

How true is that of today's child.

Silence grows from within

Silence comes from within

Shut up I want to listen to this.

Where do you go when you're absolutely bursting

To tell someone what's in your head,

but half the time they're not interested; this causes silence.

Bitterness, anger, have silenced emotions for years gone by.

How does it feel to be afraid to say what's going on in your head.

Will it spill with emotion, cause embarrassment?

One bubbling, the other not knowing what to say except pass the tissues.

Silence doesn't have to be form the mouth, it comes from the heart.

Self worth, confidence, self esteem which has run out sadly for now.

For myself and many other people this is true.

Jo Bloggs walking down the street,

Briefcase in one hand, the Observer in the other, totally oblivious.

Just going through the motions of life as people expect to do.

For me I scream, but no one hears.

Like being in the shop window and I'm the dummy.

Everyone is an individual but they have something in common,

That at some stage of their life

they are too afraid to say what they think with a searching soul.

Everyday I come across the sounds of silence

They're wherever I go

Whomever I meet

They're always ready to pounce

For this is the sound of silence.

When you're in a room full of people.

There can be nothing, no sound.

Things just feel as if you're in slow motion, a silent movie.

Bitterness silences these emotions.

Sometimes it feels hard to breathe.

MW - The Dene

ATTENTION SEEKING

I'm not just attention seeking

I'm not another attention freak

I'm just a freak.

The mutilation soothes me

It shows there's something wrong

It needs to be taken seriously.

The pleasure I get watching blood

Watching it drip and pour

I reach to my friend again.

It soothes and comforts

As it deepens

Making the irreparable damage.

I cover it

Hide it from the eyes of the innocent

Who don't understand.

One day someone will

Understand and care

Until then I hide with my friend.

SC - The Dene

Is there any escape?

Is there any escape from this darkened world?

Is there any help or am I on my own?

I see no glimpse of a war won light.

I crave to give up but I think I must fight.

But now the answer to my question is,

I was the one to blame.

Still they don't see me crying,

Trying to wash away the pain.

There is no winning,

things holding me back,

Is there any point in trying,

When things just seem so black?

There is no escape, except that one,

The easy way out....

But then he has won.

So I won;t give in, not this time,

He should back down and he should die.

SR

RESTORATIVE JUSTICE

A frightened little mouse   That was me

Confused and bewildered

For all to see

It's been my whole life

As far as I can see

But I've cut I've burnt

But inside I felt worse

The scars to others

May not show because

Of the things done to me

Long ago

The depth of my pain

No-one knows

Will hurt fade?

I just don't know

To me a Father is there

To protect you    No not mine

He is a molester, a crime!

But I'm fighting back 

With all I've got

I've talked I've cried

With most of the staff

I've brought out my secrets

From under my covers

I've now sent him to prison

So he can hurt no others

I'm going to try smiling

I've done no wrong

I hope this poem will help others

So we can all move on.

NH - Annesley Park

SYSTEM

I AM A VICTIM OF THE SYSTEM

I AM STUCK IN THE SYSTEM

I DO NOT WANT MY MEDS

THEY GIVE ME REALLY BAD HEADS

I AM TRAPPED IN AN INSTITUTION

THAT IS NOT JUST AN ILLUSION

I FEEL REALLY HURT

I FEEL LIKE I HAVE BEEN KICKED FULL OF DIRT

THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE WORSE OFF THAN YOURSELF

SOME POOR MITE'S ALWAYS LEFT ON THE SHELF

AT LEAST I AM STILL ALIVE TO TELL THE TALE

THERE ARE SOME POOR MITES LOOKING WORSE THAN PALE

WE ALL KNOW LIFE'S NOT FULL OF SUGAR AND SPICE

LIFE IS JUST FEAR AND NOT VERY NICE

THE WORLD TODAY IS QUITE BAD

I WOULD SAY THAT SEEMS SO SAD

I HAVE GOT 8 LOVELY NEPHEWS AND NIECES

I DO NOT SEE THEM MUCH, IT MAKES ME GO TO PIECES

I WOULD LIKE TO GO HOME

NOT TO THE MILENNIUM DOME

I MISS MY FAMILY SO MUCH

I MISS THEIR TENDER LOVING TOUCH

I HAVE BEEN IN INSTITUTIONS MOST OF MY LIFE

IT DOES NOT GIVE ME MUCH STRENGTH TO SURVIVE

I HAVE BEEN IN ASHWORTH FOR 15 YEARS

OH MY LORD I HAVE SHED MORE THAN TEARS

I AM BEGINNING TO GET BETTER

IT IS NOT JUST BY WRITING A LETTER

THERE SHOULD BE MORE FEMALE PLACES LIKE MSU'S, ETC.

SOME OF US ARE VICTIMS NOT HARDENED CRIMINALS

WE JUST NEED TO SIT AND TALK

THEN HOPEFULLY WE WILL BE SURVIVORS AND WALK

MG - Ashworth

"Psychiatric Utopia: The Snag"

All Patients conform exactly to the label given to them.

All patients display symptoms of paranoia at the treatment prescribed to them.

All patients sit wide awake in the day room and agree unanimously on the TV channel and pop music to be played at low volume.

As no patient displays counter side effects from medication and responds to it per manufacturer's label (Therefore all patients are miraculously cured.)

All patients are physically fit.

No patient craves to smoke thereby providing a reason for non-cures.

All patients keep within their budget (hospital management does not overspend its budget).

Psychiatrists and Home Office appreciate long-suffering self-control of patients to achieve psychiatric utopia and agree to immediate release.

There is a snag somewhere. What is it?

JC - Broadmoor